🔗 Share this article

Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and key events, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to find out that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|